Jen isn't quite sure when she lost her mind, but it is probably documented here on Meditatio. She blogs because the world needs her snark at all hours of the night... and she probably can't sleep anyway.
Outside my window… dark. It’s a full moon tonight though and I’m pretty sure my in-laws’ mew-mews are out being lions or something.
I am thinking… about all that I have to get done this week.
I am thankful… for a good visit down here and for my mother-in-law who has taken on a lot of Daniel duty so I can sleep in and take naps. She keeps me sane on these visits.
In the kitchen… cleaned up the leftovers from the manicotti that a neighbor brought over for Jon’s birthday dinner.
I am wearing… charcoal shirt and running shorts.
I am creating… blog entries.
I am going… to have a long drive back up to northern California tomorrow. I’ll actually be reading through most of it so I should hopefully be able to clear some of the “Mount TBR” on my NOOK.
I am wondering… what my kitties are up to back home.
I am reading…Confessions of a GP by Benjamin Daniels MD. It’s an interesting look at how the NHS looks in Britain in addition to anecdotes about his experiences as a doctor.
I am hoping… all goes well with my father-in-law’s surgery on Wednesday. If you could spare a prayer on his behalf, I’d appreciate it. His name is Ray.
I am looking forward to… my mani/pedi on Wednesday.
Around the house… nothing to report because my mother-in-law keeps a completely sterile house to the point that I could eat off of her kitchen floor.
I am pondering… what things to talk about for Thomas’ link-up. (If you have any thoughts/blog posts/etc on what was helpful when your kids were babies, go participate in the link-up. Thomas’ wife Alison is pregnant with twins and he’s picking the brain of the Internet on what to use.)
A favorite quote for today… ??When I lay these questions before God I get no answer. But a rather special sort of ‘No answer.’ It is not the locked door. It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze. As though He shook His head not in refusal but waiving the question. Like, ‘Peace, child; you don’t understand.?? ? C.S. Lewis
One of my favorite things… solitude.
A few plans for the rest of the week: Daniel starts back to school on Tuesday, Morning Prayer on Tuesday, endocrinologist appointment and mani/pedi on Wednesday as well as my brother visiting, nothing on Thursday (thank God!), and ABA therapy on both Wednesday and Friday for Daniel
A peek into my day… My bed kitty while I’ve been down here. My cats are going to kill me.
A wine alternative. We have several winemakers in our parish (we’re a cow town in wine country) and Jon will sometimes be gifted wine by some of them. A couple of them know that I don’t drink so I was surprised when I got a call from the wife of one of the winemakers, telling me that she had something for me. The “something” turned out to be two bottles of really good sparkling cider because she didn’t feel it was fair that Jon always got wine and I never got anything. I was seriously touched by this but this person is incredibly conscientious about making sure that people feel included so I shouldn’t have been surprised.. She is one of the few people in the parish who is allowed to have my cell phone number and I keep a couple messages from her on there to listen to when I really need to hear that I’m loved. (She left a message the first night Daniel was in the hospital in January and I cried when I heard it because I totally needed to hear that she and her husband love us and were praying for us.)
Helping Jenn become a nun. I am blessed to have been a part of this.
A family (wishing to remain anonymous) offered to take over her student loans so that she could enter on August 28th. This is a huge sacrifice on their part and Jenn has asked that if people would like to make a gift toward paying them down, it would help them out tremendously. (She writes the BEST thank you emails too.) She has a blog here if you’d like to keep up with what is going on until her entrance on August 28th.
Send Liliana a birthday card. This kid kicked cancer’s butt and all she wants is a birthday card. She loves receiving mail and this would really make her happy. Details are here.
Brett still needs a mama. Iris finally has a family committed to her and they are in the homestudy stage. Kaia has met her family and they are in love with her!!! 🙂
It’s a girl! Some of you know that I used to be part of the ELCA so I was watching news of Churchwide Assembly with a cocked ear because we would be electing a new presiding bishop (the head of the ELCA). On the fifth ballot, Elizabeth Eaton, the bishop of Northeastern Ohio Synod was elected, beating out Mark Hanson (our current presiding bishop) and Jessica Crist (my former bishop from Montana).
I was never a fan of Mark Hanson for many reasons so I’m glad that he’ll be gone. My feelings about Jessica are mixed. Her assistant to the bishop threw us under the bus in Montana and there are some who feel that more could have been done for us. Thing is… Jessica always treated me like an actual person vs. “the wife of the pastor at _____________ Parish” and I appreciated that. The reason I would have been chill with her being elected bishop was that when she found out about me having Daniel, she hauled butt to the hospital (at 7 a.m.) and my first lucid memory after my night of trauma and c-section is her sitting by my bed, holding my hand and explaining to me that I had just had a baby. I don’t know that I will ever be able to express how much it helped to have her there, considering that it was during a period of 36-48 hours where my memories are hazy. That kind of pastoral care is rare. She also did a good job of talking to the congregations who wanted to leave over the sexuality decisions in 2009 despite the fact that they were really rude to her and pretty much just came to the meeting to find out the process to leave the ELCA.
Anyway, my friends who have served with Presiding Bishop-Elect Eaton are happy for her but are really sad to lose her because she was an awesome bishop for them. I think that speaks volumes about her fitness for the job — that her pastors are bummed to no longer have her as bishop. I also have Facebook friends who are talking about “the stained glass ceiling being broken” and I’m trying not to roll my eyes too much. It’s a church that is used to female bishops — Jessica Crist is the head of the Council of Bishops so you can’t tell me that there are no women in leadership. I mean, it’s cool that Presiding Bishop-Elect Eaton is the first female presiding bishop in the ELCA but it’s hardly surprising.
Cat-bribing. I’m down in southern California with my in-laws for Jon’s birthday and I have their cat Arthur in the guest room with me. Once he realized my mother-in-law wasn’t going to come sleep with him, he vanished under the bed. I grabbed a thing of cat treats and shook some onto the cat spread next to me. Guess which kitty is now next to me munching on cat treats? Yep… Mr. Mama’s Boy. I’m hoping he stays. He is a fabulous cuddler even if I did get a cat bite infection from him in January.
Amanda of Worthy of Agape is hosting a link-up of conversion stories and as I’m a convert, I thought I’d share mine. (How many are you surprised? Leave me a comment and let me know if you are.)
My parents aren’t religious and raised us without a faith. My dad is pretty much secular humanist/atheist material and my mom was raised Episcopalian but is more of a Buddhist these days. (She has said, however, that she would totally become Lutheran if Jon was the pastor of the church in town which is a pretty big compliment to him.) Despite this, I grew up with a belief in God even if I wasn’t entirely sure who or what God was.
There are a couple of events that stand out:
[+] When I was 6, my neighbor Mrs. G invited the evil twin and I over to bake cookies at Christmas. After we finished baking, she read the Christmas story to us from a book of Bible stories for kids. Sean (the evil twin) and I both loved having people read to us so we asked her to keep going and ended up hearing all about Jesus’ ministry, the Cross, and His resurrection. I don’t know if she realizes it but almost 27 years later, I point to that afternoon of baking cookies as the place and time when the seed of the Gospel was planted in me.
[+] When I was 9 or 10, I was pretty much an avowed atheist and used to daydream about someone stepping up and proving that the Bible was a fake book meant to deceive people. Thing is, I could picture people like Mrs. G and her family as well as my friend Emily still believing and continuing to worship God even after and I think God used that to show me that there was something there that I wasn’t seeing. I also unfortunately had a run-in or two with people who tried to aggressively “win my soul to Christ” which made me more determined *NOT* to believe.
[+] The summer before 5th grade, my friend Emily invited me to go to camp with her church at Camp Hammer. I went with her and enjoyed myself. We studied the story of Joseph and his brothers from Genesis, memorized Scripture, enjoyed ourselves, etc. One of the counselors talked me into inviting Christ into my heart which I did because I wanted to please her. It didn’t totally stick because I went back to my regular life after camp but the seed didn’t completely die but instead stayed dormant until I hit middle school.
When I hit middle school, something in me wanted more. I started praying the Lord’s Prayer as kind of a “covering my bases” situation so that if this Jesus stuff was true, I might not be risking a trip to Hell. (I didn’t know it at the time, but I was totally living out Pascal’s Wager.) I also tried to teach myself as much as I could about Christianity. Mrs. G and her husband told me that they would totally take me to church if I wanted but I didn’t accept because I was completely afraid that people would find out that my parents weren’t religious and give me a hard time for not converting them.
When I hit eighth grade, the depression started in and it got worse when I hit high school. Looking back 18 years later, I can see how completely ill I was mentally and emotionally. I started thinking about death and probably wouldn’t be here today if God hadn’t finally made Himself real to me in the spring of 1995. On one really bad night (which I don’t talk about even in passworded posts), I ended up giving my life to Christ. After that, I sought to educate myself on Christianity and what people believed, buying out almost the entire section of religious books at my local bookstore. My friend Kyle invited me to church with him and I got involved in the choir there. I became part of a community who loved me because I was Jen and not because my parents were there.
During my freshman year of college, I discovered that I hadn’t been baptized (long story) so I went to the pastor of my college church and asked him if I could be baptized. I expected a lecture and an inquisition on my faith but got the following answer: “How’s a week from Sunday?” I was baptized during Memorial Day weekend of 1999 in a baptismal font (with warm water) by a guy in a Harley Davidson shirt and swim trunks. I’m sure Easter Vigil baptisms at a Catholic church are prettier but this worked.
It’s been 18 years since that night in the spring of 1995 and it’s amazing to me now (18 years later) that I’ve been Christian for a longer portion of my life than I was a non-believer. I’m married to a Lutheran pastor and have a degree in Religious Studies because I never quite stopped trying to learn about what people believe. 🙂 It blows people away that I’m a convert because I apparently “talk a good game”. As much as I wish I’d been raised in the faith, I think my background gives me an advantage because I can talk to people about faith things and do so knowing how not to completely screw it up. I can also look at the last 18 years and see the things I’ve been able to do because I chose to say “yes” that night. I’ve taught Bible studies in medium security prisons, taught Koine Greek to prisoners, held the hands of dying people, preached sermons, sung special music with Jon, had some life-changing conversations, and learned about some fascinating sub-cultures (I am a religious sociologist at heart).
The song “Who Am I” by Casting Crowns describes all of this well:
This video. It’s handy for those married to introverts so they can understand their spouses.
Two
Breaking Pointe.This show takes place at Ballet West in Salt Lake City, Utah. They had a 10-12 episode run last summer and it was interesting so I decided to watch again this year. The weird thing is that the principals in the company are all my age so you’re seeing people at the height of their careers while they’re relatively young by the world’s standards.
Three
CycleProGo. I’m learning the Sympto-Thermal Method of NFP and my temperature is consistently too low to chart on paper so I’m charting online. This has been really good because it asks me a lot of really important questions and it might actually help whoever my teaching couple is (I’m doing the Home Study Course so I think they’re randomly assigned?) to get my data more quickly.
Four
Jim Gaffigan. I recognized him because he was on That 70’s Show and I had no idea that he was so funny on his own. He’s kind of the Catholic “it guy” right now because he’s got 5 kids, is faithful to the Magisterium, and is open about his life. I think his book will be one of the next ones I download.
Gingerbread tabbies. I refer to Cullen, my boldly-striped orange tiger cat as my “gingerbread tabby”. He’s my buddy at night as he’ll climb on my hips and purr asthmatically. When I was pregnant with Daniel and Cullen would climb on my stomach and purr, it was enough to make Daniel start kicking him. 4 years later, Daniel still terrorizes him though I’m holding out some hope that the two of them will eventually be friends. This is a cat who has a Hobbes personality but most resembles Cringer (the green tiger from “He Man” who becomes Battle Cat) in practice — he is afraid of days that end in the letter Y and months with numbered days.
I’m stealing borrowing this idea from Karianna at Caffeinated Catholic Mama again. Go check out her site and find out what she’d tell you if you were having coffee with her. Starting next week, this will be a weekly link-up. 🙂
If we were having coffee, I would explain that I’m sipping on Pellegrini because I’m nauseated from bloodwork this morning. The nurse did a good job at having it be painless but I’m still feeling the effects of it. The garlicky shrimp chow main I had for breakfast didn’t help.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I’m not sleeping well because I can’t get to sleep before a certain hour. I think if I were to do Compline on time, I’d be OK but my brain is hard to shut off at times. It’s a reason I tend to journal and blog at night — it makes my brain shut up quicker.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I’m nervous about seeing my father-in-law because I know the progress of his cancer and it is making me really sad. I love him and I want to see him but I’m also a bit afraid. It’s complicated.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you about Daniel vocalizing and babbling using various consonant sounds. I will admit I’m looking forward to him learning to talk and am tempted to smack the people who warn me that he’ll never shut up.
Thanks for having coffee (or tea) with me. See you next week!
Yeah… it’s almost 1 a.m. and I’m wrestling with this and also the car sitch. (If you could say a quick prayer that Daniel and I could get to Sacramento and back tomorrow, I’d appreciate it.)
I think my goals would be…
For Daniel to grow up knowing that he is loved by us for who he is. I admit that this is a subject that can keep me up late at night because there is so much that we don’t know about the future. We don’t know what this coming school year holds, if he’ll start talking this year, or what skills he’ll pick up. I’m endlessly thankful that we have an ABA program at the local preschool and that the Regional Center is picking up the tab for his ABA therapy outside of school. I guess I just want him to know that Jon and I love him so incredibly much and will always love him, no matter what.
For Daniel to know his worth as a child of God. This pastor’s wife has no clue how to pass the faith on to her son. Go me. I am hoping that he’ll pick up on me praying with him before we eat and eventually, he’ll be able to sit through church even if it’s with a “busy bag”. I want him to know that he is a child of the living God and that Jesus died for his sins. I want him to know that God loves him. I want him to be able to go to God in prayer and approach Him like a child would approach their Father. For all I know, Daniel has an amazing spiritual life and knows that God loves him — Daniel isn’t verbal so I don’t know how he could communicate that to me.
For Daniel to be more than a kid with autism (or an adult with autism). He is autistic but that doesn’t necessarily define him. He has a fascination for how things work and how they are put together so maybe he’ll be an engineer or an electrician or something like that. The possibilities are endless.
To show Daniel an example of a godly woman so that he will hopefully see that quality in a future spouse. Again, this is one of those things where I have no idea what I’m doing other than just letting Daniel see me praying, singing hymns and spiritual songs to him, and being the woman God wants me to be. If he can pick up on me tossing my trash into the garbage can at Target and the way my mom recycles yard waste, he can probably pick up on this?
To show Daniel a good example of a healthy marriage. Again, this is kind of a monkey-see-monkey-do type of thing at the moment. I want him to know how to talk things out civilly with his future wife and to respect her. I want him to know that it’s OK to disagree on the small things and to pick his battles because you can’t die on every hill.
For Daniel to be independent. This will be one of those things on which we’ll be working with his ABA tutors. I want Daniel to know how to cook something relatively simple, how to wash/dry his clothes, how to shop for groceries, how to clean, and how to survive in the outside world because I’m not going to be around forever.
I guess overall, my goals is for Daniel be the best person he can be.
I’m moving my memes and link-ups around and doing this on Sunday.
FOR TODAY August 11, 2013
Outside my window… sunny and warm.
I am thinking… about getting Daniel to his ENT appointment tomorrow and praying that nothing happens car-wise because there’s a weird rattling sound under the car.
I am thankful… for chances to sleep this weekend.
In the kitchen… so many dishes. No idea where to start.
I am wearing… green “Online Debate Team” shirt and running shorts.
I am creating… this blog entry.
I am going… to go attempt to figure out the dish situation when I’m done here.
I am wondering… when I’ll be able to get to Les Schwab to have them check out the car.
I am reading…Confessions of a GP by Benjamin Daniels. I finished Banished by Lauren Drain on Saturday.
I am hoping… nothing is wrong with the car that isn’t easily fixable.
I am looking forward to… time in LA with my in-laws.
I am pondering… too many things in my heart.
A favorite quote for today… ??God will invade. But I wonder whether people who ask God to interfere openly and directly in our world quite realise what it will be like when He does. When that happens, it is the end of the world. When the author walks on to the stage the play is over. God is going to invade, all right: but what is the good of saying you are on His side then, when you see the whole natural universe melting away like a dream and something else – something it never entered your head to conceive – comes crashing in; something so beautiful to some of us and so terrible to others that none of us will have any choice left? For this time it will God without disguise; something so overwhelming that it will strike either irresistible love or irresistible horror into every creature. It will be too late then to choose your side. There is no use saying you choose to lie down when it has become impossible to stand up. That will not be the time for choosing; it will be the time when we discover which side we really have chosen, whether we realised it before or not. Now, today, this moment, is our chance to choose the right side. God is holding back to give us that chance. It will not last for ever. We must take it or leave it.?? — C.S. Lewis
One of my favorite things… watching “The Big Bang Theory”.
A few plans for the rest of the week: ENT appointment with Daniel on Monday morning, ABA therapy on Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday, driving down to LA on Thursday, and being down there over the weekend.
