Category Archives: The A-Word

Why I’m Not Homeschooling: Socialization

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Several of my homeschooling mama friends are blogging about their upcoming school year and a conversation with my mother-in-law coupled with all of their posts on the subject brought to mind a large reason why I am emphatically *NOT* homeschooling Daniel right now: socialization.

Before I go into my reason for saying this, can I get something out of the way first?

I’m fully aware that in most cases, homeschooled children have no issues with socialization and are capable of getting along with other kids and adults.

Mine is the exception. One of the things that Daniel’s preschool did was mainstream him during recess and field trips so that he was able to spend time with neurologically typical kids. The point of this is to show him how to behave in certain situations, to help develop play skills, etc. We could have probably done preschool with him at home except that I really wanted him to have this opportunity. Thankfully, there was a preschool only about a block away that had the exact program we needed and he thrived there.

Living with my in-laws this summer (and dealing with the incompetence that is Special Education in the Claremont Unified School District) showed me that there is a big reason why I do this. When Daniel is around other kids, he behaves better, focuses better, and is starting to take social cues from them. If he were around other kids in places other than at school, we might be able to consider homeschooling. However, my normal for church is this post by Kathleen and the churches Jon has pastored lately do not have any kids that are Daniel’s age. (We haven’t been in a parish with really any kids period since 2010.) As much as I *love* getting the stink eye from people (/sarcasm), it gets really embarrassing to be asked by people why I’m not making my kid try to behave while he is spending storytime at the library running around trying to open/close doors because that’s his autistic stimming behavior of choice. (Well, it’s that as well as opening/slamming drawers and flipping light switches.). It’s also incredibly mentally tiring to still be in “parenting a toddler” mode when your kid is five and to constantly be trying to figure out how to reach your child who is largely locked up in their own head because they can’t talk. (Autistic kids tend to deal with apraxia of speech and Daniel is no exception.) Without being in school, he is around his incredibly introverted and quiet mother (me), his dad, my father-in-law who has cancer, and my mother-in-law who is trying to take care of my father-in-law. We’re not exactly the best people to teach him how to be a 5 year old.

Additionally, Jon/Daniel/me are in transition mode at the moment and school is pretty much the one stable thing right now. Autistic kids tend to do the best with a very set schedule and the easiest thing to do right now is to give him that in the form of a school day. It also gives me a chance to try for some freelance work to help with finances and I tend to be a much more mentally healthy person when I can contribute to the family financially. (OK… getting out of the house by myself also helps.)

I’m not trying to justify my decision to myself or others in the least — it’s one of those nights where my brain won’t shut up so I’m up blogging to get it to calm itself.

7 Quick Takes: Literary Cats, Daniel’s School Sitch, and A Quote About Depression

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7 Quick Takes

— 1 —

Brett. Brett’s family is facing court in the next few days to adopt him. Prayers would be appreciated.

— 2 —

Explaining suicide and depression. I blogged about my depression on Wednesday and I finally found the quote I was searching for:

— 3 —

Dormition of Mary. Today is the Dormition of Mary in the Orthodox Church(or Assumption if you’re Catholic) and one of my friends posted a link about how Protestants need to embrace Mary. I thought it was pretty interesting so I’m linking it up here.

— 4 —

Daniel’s school sitch. While I was in San Jose this weekend, the cogs were moving as far as getting things worked out for Daniel schoolwise. On Monday morning, I was on a walk with Mom and Daniel when I looked down at my phone and saw that I had 5 missed calls. One of them was my mother-in-law so I called to ask if she knew anything about it. She did — the person who was responsible for getting all of this worked out had called her and told her that Daniel was back in the school district next door to us and they had a placement at a school in San Dimas. I made the call to this person and found out what had been happening. Apparently, they try to keep the ASD (autism spectrum disorder) classrooms capped at 10 kids and they had an opening in this one. They’ll also be transporting Daniel to school and back which means he gets to ride a school bus and we’re not going to have to fight traffic.

His IEP was Wednesday and while the special ed person for our home district was there and screwing up Daniel’s information, the other people were sharp and on the ball with everything which makes me feel much better about all that has to happen.

Serious prayers answered here!

— 5 —

Baseball take. The Giants are now 5.5 games behind the Dodgers. *grumps* At least the Cardinals (my other boys) are only 2.0 games back from Milwaukee (the leaders in their division).

— 6 —

Cute kid story. My mother-in-law has family pictures on various bookshelves and surfaces which fascinate Daniel. Recently, she put the palm-jousting pictures down on a shelf where Daniel can see and reach them. He goes over to them and starts talking to them and when we’re gone, he goes over and says “Dada Mama?”. She’ll explain that we’re in the car and will be back soon. I saw him talking to the pictures yesterday and it was just about the cutest thing ever.

Recently, he has been taking the family pictures of us (the ones with him in them) off of the mantle so we put them down on a table at his level and he’ll take them and look at them.

— 7 —

Harry Potter/cat fun. My mother-in-law and I were talking about school stuff and she made a comment about “if an owl flew through that window and said something about school”.

My reply: “An owl delivering information about school would be a totally normal and rational thing.”

She looked at Edda, my black cat who she has renamed “Bellatrix”, and said, “But an owl is not going to fly through that window. And if one does, LEAVE IT ALONE! DO NOT MESS WITH IT!” Edda looked at her as if to say, “I am a literary cat and I know better than to eat any owls that come delivering messages.”

Yeah… I married into the right family, Lutheran clergy Mudblood that I am.

For more Quick Takes, visit Jen at ConversionDiary.Com.

7 Quick Takes: Leaving on A Jet Plane, Orphan Prayers, and Trader Joe’s.

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7 Quick Takes

— 1 —

Leaving on a jet plane. I’m sitting in the Ontario International Airport (California, not Canada) waiting to board a plane for this weekend. Pray for good travel mercies for Jon and I and also for Daniel who is being cared for by my in-laws. It’s the longest I’ve been away from him ever and I’m a bit unnerved. I’m incredibly thankful for my mother-in-law Victoria who is doing the lion’s share for the care.

— 2 —

Control Journal. Earlier this week, I got the idea to make a “control journal” for Daniel like you’d find on the Flylady website. It took me a couple days because I had to take pictures of the steps I take in doing stuff like giving Daniel a breathing treatment and I had to mark up the pictures with instructions but it turned out really well. If you think I should do a post on how I did it, let me know in the comments.

— 3 —

Awesome Trader Joe’s story. I was at Trader Joe’s by myself with Daniel a couple days ago and ended up in a checkout lane next to the automatic doors. Daniel’s stimming behavior is opening/shutting doors so this was a bit too tempting for him and so he made a run for it. In the process of trying to get him back and get my gift card out, I dropped my wallet and everything spilled out. The crew member checking me out looked at me and asked, “Is he autistic?”

“Yes,” I replied.

This crew member immediately grabbed another crew member, told him to watch Daniel for me, and helped me pick up the contents of my wallet and sort it. When all was done, he helped us carry everything to the car and asked me a lot of questions about Daniel and his autism. It turns out that he is a college student studying psychology and he recognized the signs. He made sure we got everything into the car, complimented me on how I was doing this all by myself, and told me that if I ever needed any help like this to just grab another crew member.

So… my deepest thanks to Thomas at the Claremont Trader Joe’s. You seriously made my day.

— 4 —

Why I seriously love Trader Joe’s and will give them my business at any opportunity. My experience in #3 is just the tip of the iceberg. I have never had a bad experience with them ever in the 4 years I’ve shopped there since moving back to the West Coast and part of the reason is that their employees are all really wonderful. They have mini-carts for kids with a “Customer-in-Training” flag on them and they are really helpful for teaching Daniel how to shop at a grocery store and what the names of various types of food are. (It also helps his gait to push the cart rather than riding in one of the big adult ones.) Their corporate culture is very laid back and their headquarters is a very plain two story building in Monrovia. (I interviewed to be one of their database people 4 years ago. I didn’t get the job but I can actually say I’ve interviewed at their corporate headquarters and that I was one of the top 10 candidates for the job out of the hundreds who applied.)

— 5 —

Huh. I checked Jon and I in on the Southwest Airlines site last night and when I got our boarding passes, Jon got position A-16 and I got position B-28. In what universe is that reasonable?!?!?!?

Southwest Airlines, BTW, is incredibly good with Daniel. We flew with them two years ago when Daniel and I went down to surprise my father-in-law for Father’s Day after not seeing him for almost 10 months. (Long story.) They were incredibly helpful in getting him on the plane and giving me help in schlepping everything.

— 6 —

Brett. The family committed to Brett (the adorable child on my sidebar) is in his country meeting him and the other little boy they plan to adopt. Pray for good travel mercies for them and a smooth stay with no bureaucratic hangups.

— 7 —

Another prayer request. Please pray for Hope, the adopted daughter of my friend (and fellow Lutheran pastor’s wife) Dalas. They got her home from her country and she’s currently in the hospital as they try to get her nutritionally stable. Dalas is living at the hospital with her and her two year old son and it’s pretty brutal.

For more Quick Takes, visit Jen at ConversionDiary.Com.

The Simple Woman’s Daybook: July 27, 2014

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Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY July 27, 2014

Outside my window… sunny and bright. According to Weather.Com, it’s 96F here right now. Ugh.

I am thinking… about my upcoming trip this weekend and what I’ll need to pack for it.

I am thankful… for my mother-in-law who is watching Daniel so I can take a breather and blog.

In the kitchen… nothing as of yet though my mother-in-law did make some stuffed peppers yesterday that looked pretty good.

I am wearing… green v-neck shirt and khaki shorts that I’ll have to replace this week as they’ve gotten a few small holes from being washed and worn so much.

I am praying for… my trip this weekend. It will be the longest I’ve been away from Daniel since his birth five years ago.

I am going… to Kohl’s in a bit to go shopping for shorts.

I am wondering… about what will be unfolding in the next few weeks.

I am reading… Light from Heaven by Jan Karon. It’s the last of the books in her series “The Mitford Years”. Next on my agenda are the first two in her “Father Tim” series in preparation for the book that will be coming out later this year. After that, I’ll read Sugar and Iced by Jenn McKinlay.

I am hoping… we get more consistent results with potty-training this week.

I am looking forward to… seeing what God may be calling us to.

I am hearing the A/C and my mother-in-law cleaning in the kitchen.

Around the house… it is now 5 hours after I started writing this, night has fallen, and people are heading to bed.

From the learning rooms… potty-training, reviewing shapes/numbers/letters/colors, learning to write letters and numbers, reading books, and working on life skills.

A favorite quote for today… “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” — C.S. Lewis

One of my favorite things… Daniel’s laugh when we play “Ring Around the Rosy” with my in-laws.

A few plans for the rest of the week: A peds appointment at some point for Daniel to get his cough checked out (and establish care here), various errands, and a flight out to my undisclosed location with Jon on Friday.

A peek into my day… Here’s one of the pictures of the sanctuary of the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels that I took last week after the Mass for Immigrants that I attended. It’s an amazing space and all of it is tastefully designed. Some of these tapestries were used for the cover of My Life with the Saints by Fr. James Martin, S.J.

A shot of the tapestries on one side of the sanctuary of the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels in downtown LA

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The Simple Woman’s Daybook: July 14, 2014

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Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY July 14, 2014

Outside my window… muggy and humid and hot. It feels like the Midwest instead of southern California. It rained on us a bit when I was at Trader Joe’s earlier.

I am thinking… about the issues we’re having in finding an ABA program down here for Daniel. The school is required to provide one but it might not be in this school district so they’re having to make a referral. And no, homeschooling is not an option. We’re already dealing with a home teacher and I’m having to figure out how to structure her time so that it’s actually useful. I have the patience and temperament of a drill sergeant which is why I didn’t become a teacher in the first place. Additionally, I’d prefer not to have to get a Master’s in Education focusing on ABA in order to educate my kid correctly so I’d really rather find people who already have the training.

I am thankful… for my mother-in-law who made me vegan chocolate-peppermint cupcakes yesterday and who is doing everything in her power to support what I’m doing with Daniel. I am seriously blessed to have her and my father-in-law.

In the kitchen… I finished up my scampi from Saturday night for lunch today. Dinner has yet to be decided.

I am wearing… my Run for Courage t-shirt and jeans short.

I am praying for… a special intention, grace to forgive certain people, wisdom to know how to structure Daniel’s days at the moment, for friends who are dealing with a lot right now, and for Hevel’s safety.

I am going… to hopefully go visit my boys this week with tuna so that their new mommy can get them acclimated to her. (Tuna will bribe them to come out.)

I am wondering… how to teach certain things.

I am reading… A New Song by Jan Karon.

I am hoping… the house cools down. My mother-in-law just turned on the A/C so that should help.

I am looking forward to… finding out where God is calling us to go next.

I am hearing Daniel and his teacher working on counting. I’m having to intervene and make him actually say the names of the numbers because otherwise he’s not getting any speech connection or practice.

Around the house… laundry going and my mother-in-law is probably cleaning something.

I am pondering… too many things to list.

A favorite quote for today… “The Christian idea of marriage is based on Christ’s words that a man and wife are to be regarded as a single organism—for that is what the words ‘one flesh’ would be in modern English. And the Christians believe that when He said this He was not expressing a sentiment but stating a fact—just as one is stating a fact when one says that a lock and its key are one mechanism, or that a violin and a bow are one musical instrument. The inventor of the human machine was telling us that its two halves, the male and the female, were made to be combined together in pairs, not simply on the sexual level, but totally combined. The monstrosity of sexual intercourse outside marriage is that those who indulge in it are trying to isolate one kind of union (the sexual) from all the other kinds of union which were intended to go along with it and make up the total union. The Christian attitude does not mean that there is anything wrong about sexual pleasure, any more than about the pleasure of eating. It means that you must not isolate that pleasure and try to get it by itself, any more than you ought to try to get the pleasures of taste without swallowing and digesting, by chewing things and spitting them out again.” — C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

One of my favorite things… Trader Joe’s Iced Tea-Lemonade

A few plans for the rest of the week: speech therapy for Daniel on Tuesday morning, lessons with his home teacher Tuesday – Friday, and various errands.

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The Simple Woman’s Daybook + What I Wore On Sunday: Pastoral Farewell Edition

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Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY June 29, 2014

Outside my window… dark. It’s around 11 p.m. and I’m staying up and waiting for Freya to come in. She has become an indoor/outdoor gremlin after moving down here to Claremont and she’s not one of nature’s best camouflage jobs so I worry when she refuses to come in.

I am thinking… about Daniel working with the home teacher tomorrow that the school is sending out. She has no ABA training which is going to mean that I’ll have to train her in how to work with him. Oh freaking joy.

I am thankful… for my in-laws. They babysat last night so that Jon and I could go to the country club reception for the pastor of our church down here who is retiring after 40 years of ministry. (They also got Daniel to sleep even though he came and curled up with me around 1 a.m.) They watched him again today so we could go to church in the morning and the special service of farewell for our pastor in the afternoon. When we got home, my mother-in-law tucked me in with Edda and told me to take a nap. She is made of awesome.

In the kitchen… mint chip ice cream. I’m still pretty full from the reception after church but I needed something on my stomach to take pills.

I am wearing… my lavender Momcat shirt and black capri sweats from Target.

I am praying for… a good session with the home teacher tomorrow, for no more problems getting services for Daniel down here, for a few special intentions, for discernment in what comes next for us…

I am going… to hit up Target for Noxzema tomorrow. Daniel apparently smeared 1/2 a jar of it on himself during his “play bath” tonight and ran me out.

I am wondering… where Freya is.

I am reading… Out to Canaan by Jan Karon — continuing to read brainless stuff right now as I deal with the weightier things in my life.

I am hoping… the little monster comes in soon.

I am looking forward to… snuggling up with my house panther and going to sleep.

I am hearing crickets. It’s a relatively cool night outside.

Around the house… silence as I’m the only one up.

I am pondering… various things, most presently popular artists performing with symphony orchestras. I could see it working for Metallica and the San Francisco Symphony 10+ years ago. (What? You didn’t know I like Metallica?) I’m a bit surprised at how it worked out for the Seattle Symphony Orchestra performing with Sir Mix-A-Lot and doing “Baby Got Back”. (If you don’t believe me, the video is here. It’s probably mildly NSFW.) I’m also kind of surprised at all the women who got up to dance on stage with him.

A favorite quote for today… “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” — Ephesians 3:20-21 (NIV) which was quoted a lot during all the events for Dennis (the pastor who is retiring).

One of my favorite things… mint chip ice cream.

A few plans for the rest of the week: annoying various people and social agencies to get services for Daniel. It’s what I do best. 😉

A peek into my day… I’m using this particular topic for my “What I Wore on Sunday” meme picture. I wish I had gotten a picture of me in my super pretty clothes last night at the country club but oh well. This particular outfit worked for church this morning at St. John’s (I accidentally slept too late to go elsewhere), a trip to Michael’s/Target/Stater Bros. (grocery store), and then the worship service honoring Pastor Dennis.

What I Wore on Sunday: June 29, 2014

V-Neck: Kohl’s
Skirt: Kohl’s
Shoes: Naturalizer

For more, go see Emily and the other pretties at Fine Linen and Purple.

Funny story: My mother-in-law runs a Little Free Library in their front yard (I’m standing in front of the tables of books in this picture) and on Friday, I had just gotten home from picking Jon up at the train station in Pomona when I saw a mother and daughter walking away from the table of books. We greeted each other politely and then it clicked that I knew here from somewhere. It was Jamie from A Year in Skirts and Helping Each Other Every Day! I knew she lived in the area but I hadn’t realized how close she was. Even better, my mother-in-law knew who she was because I had showed her Jamie’s blog and she had been meaning to tell me that Jamie was one of the patrons. It’s a small world indeed. I think I shocked her when I pointed out how I knew who she was (which, by the way, is totally unlike me).

What I Wore On Sunday

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The Simple Woman’s Daybook: What I Wore on Sunday Edition

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Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY June 1, 2014

Outside my window… warmish. Probably in the 80’s today.

I am thinking… about everything that has to get done in the next two weeks.

I am thankful… for the two men who stopped and helped me change a flat tire yesterday even though I totally had it under control on my own.

In the kitchen… grilled cheese sandwich made with pesto gouda and sourdough bread from Trader Joe’s.

I am wearing… navy blue shirt from Old Navy and black capri sweats from Target.

I am praying for… someone to be able to adopt 3 of my 4 kitties.

I am going… to be spending tomorrow morning at Les Schwab getting my tire replaced. Thank God for the spare in my trunk.

I am wondering… about a lot of the things in my life right now.

I am reading… At Home in Mitford by Jan Karon. I need some light reading and her books do the deal.

I am hoping… I can get boxes sourced this week.

I am looking forward to… Daniel going to sleep. He’s been in rare form today.

I am hearing Leverage on TV.

Around the house… things to pack.

A favorite quote for today… “The perfect church service would be one we were almost unaware of. Our attention would have been on God.” — C.S. Lewis

One of my favorite things… iced chai tea latté from $tarbux.

A few plans for the rest of the week: packing, ABA therapy for Daniel in the afternoons, packing, Daniel’s preschool graduation, packing, Ladies’ Night Out on Wednesday, packing, a meeting on Friday, packing, and possibly a funeral on Saturday.

A peek into my day… Edda and I before church. Everything I was wearing (black polo shirt and denim skirt) was inherited from my sister-in-law except for my flip-flops (Old Navy ), my Celtic cross (Fellowship Foundry, procured at Tapestry and Talent 19 years ago), and my house panther.

Edda and I before church.

What I Wore on Sunday

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