i just cleaned leaves from a pretty good portion of our basil plants (if not all of them). mom trimmed down the basil plants since they were starting to blossom and you lose leaves when they blossom. so i spent three hours plucking leaves and washing them before making probably 8 cups of pesto. the pesto was wonderful on orzo tonight — a little too soft but that’s ok.

dori’s sermon was wonderful this morning. i think that the necessity of quiet times really needs to be emphasized. mine are tending to be too short but oh well… the passage i was reading for odb this evening was really good. it emphasized not just being ready for Christ’s coming but keeping ready. this means that i shouldn’t slack on my quiet times (not that i do) and that i should be doing confession as a regular part of my quiet times. for one thing, it removes guilt from me and it also keeps me reminded that i do have Someone in my life who will forgive me of everything i do and every mistake i make if i am truly sorry.

well… i managed to find out my schedule after bugging vanessa. (bob had gone home for the day.) i feel really bad since i know that she had other things to do but i also needed to know what was gonna happen and nobody was feeling like letting me know. john and ed were really cool about it. a bed in heaven be to them! (to quote ann the sarcastic grandmother i never had). i’m working later than i like but hey, i’m working. woohoo!!!!! i also got another day with jon which is pretty cool. i think i also needed the break from work for my own sanity. i’ve been looking at “day tripper”which is a really cool blog. maybe i should put mine up on my cats site like noe’s is.

during my devo time, i was reading john 11:17-44 (the lazarus story) and it brought to mind the question Jesus asks mary in the passage. He asks her if she believes, and my response is, “YES LORD!!!!!” (ok… i’m capitalizing. this *must* be important.:) ) yes, i believe. yes, i know that You are the way, the truth, and the life (john 14:6). yes, i place my trust in You. yes, i know that You are the messiah. yes, i believe that You give me life. yes, i believe that You died for me. now if i can only apply that to my housing situation… (i.e. yes, i believe that You will get me housing that is affordable and on campus or close to it!!!)

this wrist thing is starting to be a blessing in disguise. jon and i are getting lots of time together and this includes time to pray together and to talk. i really miss the way things were during winter and spring quarter where the two of us could talk via yahoo messenger for hours. i know that this will come to an end but it’s nice for right now.

i think i also needed the break from working café. it was getting stressful and i was having problems handling the stress. i really dreaded going into work with maeoll and it wasn’t fun opening alone either. i love many of the customers but it was getting tough to serve some of them (like the managers from service merchandise — hello… i don’t do phone orders and extra-hot drinks are not safe to make, let alone consume). i also just stressed out about getting everything done. there was always something to do, we were always out of something… i think my nerves needed a break also.

in my odb reading, i read part of the sermon on the mount which talked about salt and light (matthew 5:13-16). i didn’t know about the context of the verse until now and it’s really interesting. i didn’t know that the farmers used salt to help their crops. (then again, it was a combination of things and not just pure sodium chloride.) it’s interesting. it raises the question of whether i’m salty enough. the purpose of the verse is to remind us that we need to flavor ourselves with God so that it fulfills verse 16. great… now i have part of “shine” by the newsboys going through my head… 🙂

well… i managed to re-sprain my wrist yesterday and this time worse than i had originally. i was processing a shipment because we had frozen stuff that needed to be put in the freezer. small problem: there isn’t enough room to swing a cat in the freezer, let alone fit all that food in there. so i was rearranging stuff trying to find space and a box fell on me. i blocked it with my right hand and ended up re-spraining my wrist. of course, maeoll chose that time to leave and erik chose that time to go on lunch. argh!!!!! i worked 2? more hours and then left in tears. i feel really stupid because i lost my composure in front of matt and vanessa. (like they’re going to re-hire me now…) i also just couldn’t stop crying because i was injured and i couldn’t do anything about it. mom and dad and sean had no way of understanding the stuff i was going through last night. sigh… well… at least they let me see dr. badhwar. it was wonderful to see her again and she didn’t make me wait 3? hours. i really miss having her as a physician because she really cares about her patients.

well… alisa called in sick today (with hayfever which is no excuse — i’m suffering too and i’m still working) so john worked on his day off. i think that they’re trying to make it up to me for what happened on the 21st. i really did appreciate john today because i needed someone to keep me sane. he’s also a really positive and laid-back person and it makes working with him a lot more fun and a lot easier on me. there is *waaaaay* too much negativity in the workplace and being around it 24/7 doesn’t help.

i’m learning more and more day by day that love is about giving of yourself, even when you just cannot give any more. jon has always been really unselfish with the time he’s spent calming me down in illness and depression and stress. it was wonderful to be able to do the same for him today. it seems like the stressful moments with each other turn out to be the most wonderful ones for our friendship and our relationship. my ex-jon just couldn’t do this. he gave of himself to me but wouldn’t let me give any of myself to him. this really hurt because i felt like i couldn’t repay him for the times when he helped me. apparently, he didn’t think i would understand. hello… i’ve been through many of the same problems. you know this… i know what it’s like to be doubting. i know what it’s like to have a loved one going through cancer treatment. it just really irritates me that he is so thick-headed!!!

my quiet time today had readings from philipians 4:10-20. this passage has two of the coolest verses: philipians 4:11 which states that “i have learned to be content in any circumstances”; and philipians 4:13 which states that “i can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.” 4:11 is one that i should probably start living out better since i do have a weakness for whining about my circumstances. many face worse things than i do and the Lord has gotten me through some really hairy trials. 4:13 is my power verse as it really tells me where my strength is located and why i am as strong as i am.

i lift my eyes up up to the mountains where does my help comes from? my help comes from you maker of heaven creator of the earth oh how i need you Lord you are my only hope you’re my only prayer so i will wait for you to come and rescue me to come and give me life…
-“i lift my eyes up” (praise song)

please remind me not to pray for a busy day in the café again! i was alone in the café for 4? hours today because maeoll overslept. it was almost solid customers too. i was really thankful for debbie and bob since they stepped in and helped me get some really little but important things done so that i was free to wait on customers. the rest of the day was pretty easy since we had enough people in the café.

i really hope that i can manage the schedule that i’m taking this fall. i’m taking two upper-division classes and a lower division history class taught by cindy. i should technically be taking an upper division history class so that i can satisfy the requirements for history 194x (my senior seminar) but the history department might give me a permission code to work around that. i probably should have taken lynn westercamp’s class but i heard so many nasty things about her and her teaching style that i decided to do politics instead (and got stuck with craig parsons, a newly-minted ph.d professor — not a great alternative). maybe english history will satisfy the requirements and hopefully it’s open and i can work religion in there somehow. history 122 was a religious history class as is history 33. since i need to take history 194x this winter, i might have a better chance at getting that permission code.

i’m also realizing that i need to learn more patience. sean is on the phone with trisha and i feel like i’m pacing like a six year-old waiting for it. jon probably isn’t going to call until 10 or 10:30 but i’m still panicking. doesn’t it always work out that the two of us get to talk anyhow? i spend so much needless time and energy worrying that it just stresses me out more. she’s also sick and needs sean more than i need jon right now. bad jen!

my qt readings for today really spoke to me as far as my worrying about housing. my campus journal reading for today was isaiah 55:6-9 and it talks about seeking the Lord and the fact that our thoughts are not His thoughts and our ways are not His ways. (translation: God’s timetable is not the same as jen’s timetable and jen needs to learn that she is not the one runnig the universe. a lesson that is being painfully taught to me.) He is a wonderful provider and i wish that i could just really trust that He would give me housing. i’ve been told to nag darlene but i’m not sure that i really want to do that.

today was *soooooo* slow at work. by the time i left at 3, we’d maybe had four busy points and very few customers. i wonder why. i know that the harry potter hype is over but we still used to have more customers. i’m finding that i am getting quieter in my advancing age. i’m getting more introverted and i’m wondering if this has always been the case and i’ve just not realized it or if it’s a result of the depression. i love just being in my room and working on things. i do love being around people but it isn’t energizing like it is for jon or susanna.

in my quiet time, i was reading through ephesians 2:11-22 and judges 6:11-32. it was a reminder that God is with us through everything and that as a result, we should try to be a cohesive body as far as giving praise to Him. i’m not saying that all of us should worship in the same fashion and with the same liturgy and music — i’m saying that we should be more concerned with uniting in simply *worshipping Him*, not figuring out which method God prefers. i’m sick of hearing about worship wars concerning the type of music, the prayers used, the people leading,…

still waiting to hear about my housing. i may not know until next week. i just really pray for peace so i can wait!!!