Category Archives: Memes and Link-Ups

52 Weeks of Blogging with a Purpose: 10 Survival Tips To the Expecting Mom

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The topic this week: 10 survival tips to the expecting mom.

Oh boy… I have had probably the weirdest motherhood experience on the planet so it’s weird to think that I’m qualified to offer advice. On the other hand, mi amigo Thomas and his wife Alison are preparing to welcome twins around Christmas/New Year/Candlemas and he put out the word that he needs advice on what they’ll need in terms of gear so I think I’ll make this a dual post seeing as I’m getting a late start (and backdating this — I was traveling today).

01.) Trust your body. For those not in the know, my wee bairn was born at 29.5 weeks because I developed HELLP Syndrome and the only way to save both of our lives was to deliver Daniel by c-section. The reason I lived was that I had medical professionals who caught it before it morphed into full-on HELLP Syndrome so that I was actually already in the hospital when ish got real and they were able to intervene enough to get me to a hospital who could handle it. I also knew that there was something really wrong and I spoke up (OK… actually I sobbed my eyes out — this is ME we’re talking about) about the fact that I knew something wasn’t right so I found out (later) that they were watching me pretty closely when I was in my local rural hospital.

02.) You *are* strong enough to get through “IT” whatever “IT” may be. One of my co-workers gave me the best advice possible when I confided in her that I was terrified of labor: it’s one of those things that nobody can do for you and by the time you’re there, you’re so busy living in the moment that you don’t have time to be scared. It actually even held true for my insane horror story of a delivery — I was so focused on getting through it that I forgot to be scared. It wasn’t until the adrenaline kicked out and I was off all the drugs they were giving me to keep me from going into multiple organ failure that I realized what had happened and completely broke down emotionally. Thankfully by that point, my mommy had arrived (I was in Montana and she was in California) and she was able to help me work through them. (I also had the most awesome high-risk OB on the planet who came back across town to sit by my bedside and talk me off various emotional ledges.)

03.) Trust your mama instincts. Believe this mama when she tells you that you will *KNOW* that baby better than anyone else. You’ve carried that precious sweetling for 9 months and you will get to know them so intimately that you will turn mama grizzly bear on anyone who opposes you. You will learn what their schedule is and what lullaby calms them down. You will also learn what a normal baby cold is and what RSV is and you might even save their lives with that knowledge… twice.

04.) Believe it or not, babies do come with an instruction manual. I kid you not: The Baby Owner’s Manual. I didn’t use my copy much because having a preemie with developmental delays is kind of like showing up to play basketball… with a badminton racquet. For someone with a typically developing baby (or two), I think it would be useful.

05.) The first month is going to suck at times. It gets better. There are going to be magical moments when your baby is asleep on your tummy and is taking a nap with you. There are also going to be times when you’re sobbing because YOUR-BABY-IS-CRYING-AND-OHMIGOSH-YOU-JUST-WANT-A-FREAKING-SHOWER!!!!!!!!!!!! As my friend Janelle has said to me many a time when I’ve been flipping out because my life is so freaking hard, “it’s just a season.” She’s right. You will develop a rhythm and you’ll get the hang of things. Meanwhile, bribe people to bring you food and clean your house with offers to let them hold the baby… but only if they don’t have any upper respiratory viruses and have washed their hands up to their elbows according to ICU protocol and applied liberal amounts of alcohol gel. (I am just slightly OCD.)

06.) Invest in some kind of baby-wearing apparatus (not the right word but oh well) be it a mei-tei, an Ergo, or a Moby wrap. Seriously, this was the best thing EVER for church because I could have Jon or a parishioner help me get my Moby wrap secured and Daniel would sleep on my chest or take a bottle while I worshipped. It also was a nice way of having Daniel on me (and keeping him relatively happy) while also being able to do things around the house. The Moby wrap site also has MLB ones… including the Detroit Tigers. (This is a hint for Thomas.)

07.) Own whatever decision you make. I hang around crunchy attachment parenting types on Facebook who breast-feed, cloth diaper, think circumcision is barbaric… and I did totally the opposite. I was too sick to breast-feed (and really, I needed the sleep to avoid spiraling further into post-partum depression) so we went the formula route. Cloth diapering confused the heck out of me… so we went with Pampers. We chose to circ Daniel… and I feel no regret about it nor do I feel the deep need to justify any of this. *YOU* are the mama. The parishioner/”helpful” friend/grandmother/random person on the street isn’t. That’s all that matters.

08.) Make some kind of deal with your spouse or someone else to watch the child while you go run an errand, get a pedicure, go to $tarbux, etc. I know you totally love your baby. That’s awesome. What is even more awesome is getting to leave the house and be human for an hour or so. You can pump enough for a feeding and go have coffee with a friend or go out and have a date night with your husband.

09.) There are some indispensable things to have on hand. Other things, not so much. What I found to be useful were…. a pack n’ play (for travel), microwave steam sterilizer, a car seat with extra bases (one for mom’s car and one for dad’s car), a bouncer or swing (either one — just something to put the baby down into safely so you can drain your pasta or eat dinner), stroller (it helps), and a sense of perspective. That last one isn’t something you can buy in a store — let’s just say that if you understand that there are some things that will not matter in the grand scheme of things, it will make parenting easier.

10.) You are going to screw up. Suck it up and move on. No parent is perfect and [insert expletive] happens. Unless it requires a trip to the ER (who are more than used to dealing with hysterical parents), consider it a lesson learned. I’ve found that having the number of the local 24-hour Walgreens on hand is indispensable (because the pharmacist can tell you the correct dose of Tylenol to give at 4:30 a.m. when your child is teething) as is knowing the number for Poison Control. (Let’s face it… kids put stuff in their mouths. So do adults when they are in a state of severe sleep deprivation.)

Bonus: Every child is unique. Don’t compare yours to anyone else’s child. This is the biggest mistake I’ve made in parenting, especially because Daniel has so many developmental delays. I would have enjoyed his second year a whole lot more if I hadn’t been beating myself up because he wasn’t doing _______________ which his godparents’ daughter Emily had done at an earlier age. Having to fight for those milestones made them ten times sweeter.

Now go see Becky and what everyone else felt was necessary for survival.

The Simple Woman’s Daybook: August 18, 2013

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Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY August 18, 2013

Outside my window… dark. It’s a full moon tonight though and I’m pretty sure my in-laws’ mew-mews are out being lions or something.

I am thinking… about all that I have to get done this week.

I am thankful… for a good visit down here and for my mother-in-law who has taken on a lot of Daniel duty so I can sleep in and take naps. She keeps me sane on these visits.

In the kitchen… cleaned up the leftovers from the manicotti that a neighbor brought over for Jon’s birthday dinner.

I am wearing… charcoal shirt and running shorts.

I am creating… blog entries.

I am going… to have a long drive back up to northern California tomorrow. I’ll actually be reading through most of it so I should hopefully be able to clear some of the “Mount TBR” on my NOOK.

I am wondering… what my kitties are up to back home.

I am reading… Confessions of a GP by Benjamin Daniels MD. It’s an interesting look at how the NHS looks in Britain in addition to anecdotes about his experiences as a doctor.

I am hoping… all goes well with my father-in-law’s surgery on Wednesday. If you could spare a prayer on his behalf, I’d appreciate it. His name is Ray.

I am looking forward to… my mani/pedi on Wednesday.

Around the house… nothing to report because my mother-in-law keeps a completely sterile house to the point that I could eat off of her kitchen floor.

I am pondering… what things to talk about for Thomas’ link-up. (If you have any thoughts/blog posts/etc on what was helpful when your kids were babies, go participate in the link-up. Thomas’ wife Alison is pregnant with twins and he’s picking the brain of the Internet on what to use.)

A favorite quote for today… ??When I lay these questions before God I get no answer. But a rather special sort of ‘No answer.’ It is not the locked door. It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze. As though He shook His head not in refusal but waiving the question. Like, ‘Peace, child; you don’t understand.?? ? C.S. Lewis

One of my favorite things… solitude.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Daniel starts back to school on Tuesday, Morning Prayer on Tuesday, endocrinologist appointment and mani/pedi on Wednesday as well as my brother visiting, nothing on Thursday (thank God!), and ABA therapy on both Wednesday and Friday for Daniel

A peek into my day… My bed kitty while I’ve been down here. My cats are going to kill me.

Arthur

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7 Quick Takes: ELCA Presiding Bishops, Helping Jenn Become a Nun, and Cat Bribing.

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7 Quick Takes

— 1 —

A wine alternative. We have several winemakers in our parish (we’re a cow town in wine country) and Jon will sometimes be gifted wine by some of them. A couple of them know that I don’t drink so I was surprised when I got a call from the wife of one of the winemakers, telling me that she had something for me. The “something” turned out to be two bottles of really good sparkling cider because she didn’t feel it was fair that Jon always got wine and I never got anything. I was seriously touched by this but this person is incredibly conscientious about making sure that people feel included so I shouldn’t have been surprised.. She is one of the few people in the parish who is allowed to have my cell phone number and I keep a couple messages from her on there to listen to when I really need to hear that I’m loved. (She left a message the first night Daniel was in the hospital in January and I cried when I heard it because I totally needed to hear that she and her husband love us and were praying for us.)

— 2 —

Helping Jenn become a nun. I am blessed to have been a part of this.

A family (wishing to remain anonymous) offered to take over her student loans so that she could enter on August 28th. This is a huge sacrifice on their part and Jenn has asked that if people would like to make a gift toward paying them down, it would help them out tremendously. (She writes the BEST thank you emails too.) She has a blog here if you’d like to keep up with what is going on until her entrance on August 28th.

— 3 —

Send Liliana a birthday card. This kid kicked cancer’s butt and all she wants is a birthday card. She loves receiving mail and this would really make her happy. Details are here.

— 4 —

Orphans.Do you see these three darling children?

First row: Brett and Iris.
Second row: Kaia.

BrettIrisKaia

Brett still needs a mama. Iris finally has a family committed to her and they are in the homestudy stage. Kaia has met her family and they are in love with her!!! 🙂

Click on their names to see their Reece’s Rainbow pages.

— 5 —

It’s a girl! Some of you know that I used to be part of the ELCA so I was watching news of Churchwide Assembly with a cocked ear because we would be electing a new presiding bishop (the head of the ELCA). On the fifth ballot, Elizabeth Eaton, the bishop of Northeastern Ohio Synod was elected, beating out Mark Hanson (our current presiding bishop) and Jessica Crist (my former bishop from Montana).

I was never a fan of Mark Hanson for many reasons so I’m glad that he’ll be gone. My feelings about Jessica are mixed. Her assistant to the bishop threw us under the bus in Montana and there are some who feel that more could have been done for us. Thing is… Jessica always treated me like an actual person vs. “the wife of the pastor at _____________ Parish” and I appreciated that. The reason I would have been chill with her being elected bishop was that when she found out about me having Daniel, she hauled butt to the hospital (at 7 a.m.) and my first lucid memory after my night of trauma and c-section is her sitting by my bed, holding my hand and explaining to me that I had just had a baby. I don’t know that I will ever be able to express how much it helped to have her there, considering that it was during a period of 36-48 hours where my memories are hazy. That kind of pastoral care is rare. She also did a good job of talking to the congregations who wanted to leave over the sexuality decisions in 2009 despite the fact that they were really rude to her and pretty much just came to the meeting to find out the process to leave the ELCA.

Anyway, my friends who have served with Presiding Bishop-Elect Eaton are happy for her but are really sad to lose her because she was an awesome bishop for them. I think that speaks volumes about her fitness for the job — that her pastors are bummed to no longer have her as bishop. I also have Facebook friends who are talking about “the stained glass ceiling being broken” and I’m trying not to roll my eyes too much. It’s a church that is used to female bishops — Jessica Crist is the head of the Council of Bishops so you can’t tell me that there are no women in leadership. I mean, it’s cool that Presiding Bishop-Elect Eaton is the first female presiding bishop in the ELCA but it’s hardly surprising.

— 6 —

Cat-bribing. I’m down in southern California with my in-laws for Jon’s birthday and I have their cat Arthur in the guest room with me. Once he realized my mother-in-law wasn’t going to come sleep with him, he vanished under the bed. I grabbed a thing of cat treats and shook some onto the cat spread next to me. Guess which kitty is now next to me munching on cat treats? Yep… Mr. Mama’s Boy. I’m hoping he stays. He is a fabulous cuddler even if I did get a cat bite infection from him in January.

— 7 —

Why I love my mother-in-law. She stocked the freezer with 4 boxes of Trader Joe’s Coffee Latté and Cream Bars. Enough said.

For more Quick Takes, visit Jen at ConversionDiary.Com.

7 Quick Takes: Random Act of Kindness, Baseball, and Lullabies

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7 Quick Takes

— 1 —

Do you see these three darling children?

First row: Brett and Iris.
Second row: Kaia.

BrettIrisKaia

Brett still needs a mama. Iris finally has a family committed to her and they are in the homestudy stage. Kaia has met her family and they are in love with her!!! 🙂

Click on their names to see their Reece’s Rainbow pages.

— 2 —

Consider this. I know most of the people who participate in this link-up/meme are Catholic but these apply to priests as well.

— 3 —

Random Act of Kindness. Those who know me on Facebook or Twitter have heard this already but I’ll tell it again.

I’ve been having a really tough week. My brother is moving out of state at the end of the month and he and I had a tough conversation this weekend because he’s stressed and I unfortunately can’t fix it. (Nothing really bad — I just can’t get into the details until he makes some of them public on Facebook.) Everyone who I talk to about the move mentions Sean (my brother) being at the hospital with me the night they almost put Daniel on ECMO and I hit the breaking point with that on Monday night. I had a serious cry and barely got sleep so Tuesday, I was tired to the point of nausea. (I had to cancel Daniel’s ENT appointment because I was in no shape to drive.)

Wednesday, I had the radio off while I was driving up to Sacramento and was praying aloud about how stressed I was and how I didn’t know how I was going to make it through the day because it was going to be long. I was also praying about Daniel’s peds appointment because doctor’s appointments with him can be either hellish or good — there’s no in between. I stopped at the drive-thru $tarbux because I needed caffeine and the car in front of me was blocking me from being close to the speaker so it took a few tries to communicate my order. When I got up there, I was reaching for my debit card when the barista told me that the car in front of me had paid for my drink.

…

I started sobbing and probably scared the barista but it was seriously what I needed. Given that coffee is usually on my no-no list (stupid ulcers!), you can definitely say I enjoyed my latté a whole lot more. Seriously though, it was a total answer to prayer.

— 4 —

The appointment. Daniel’s appointment went well — he’s high-maintenance enough health-wise that we have to check in with his pediatrician more often than just the yearly Well-Child appointments. When we were there on Wednesday, she had made sure her scheduler put us in when the clinic was likely to be fairly empty so Daniel could run around and open/close doors to his heart’s content while she and I followed him and talked. He allowed her to examine him without objecting too much and she’s satisfied with his growth at the moment. She had also FINALLY (!!!!!) received Daniel’s MRI’s from his previous neurologist at Sutter and was amazed when I told her exactly what was going on in the report using words like “demyelination” and talked about how the lack of myelin on the neurons meant that the information wasn’t being transmitted as quickly. (My undergrad Biology classes were definitely not a waste of my time even if I didn’t end up being pre-med and heading to medical school.) I should have told her about pwning the residents who made up the entourage of Daniel’s pediatric neurologist last year when I was using words like “methodology” and “antecedent” to explain ABA to them after the neurology resident dealing with us had spoken to me condescendingly.

— 5 —

Cuddlebug time. I had another opportunity to have a sleepy boy in my lap and sing him to sleep on Tuesday night. He didn’t feel the need to nap yesterday or today and is still (at 9:50 p.m. as I’m typing these) running around the living room like a live wire. Oh well… there will be other opportunities.

— 6 —

Baseball. My Giants play Marie’s Orioles tomorrow. I have a feeling that there will be some trash talking over Twitter during the game. 😉 Then again, my Giants have been sucking lately so some of it will probably be warranted. Of course, the worst thing is that I live with a Dodgers fan… and they’re at the top of their division while my boys are at the bottom.

— 7 —

Inside Westboro Baptist Church. I’m currently reading Banished by Lauren Drain and while it is disturbing because of the sheer crap that church teaches their young, it is fascinating how they lived “normally” in the world but were also completely separated from it. It shouldn’t astound me how severely brainwashed those poor people are but it does. I haven’t gotten to the part where she has a change of heart and I’m kind of looking forward to that.

For more Quick Takes, visit Jen at ConversionDiary.Com.

{Virtual} Coffee Date (vol. 1)

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I’m stealing borrowing this idea from Karianna at Caffeinated Catholic Mama. Go check out her site and find out what she’d tell you if you were having coffee with her. Tell her also to make this a weekly link-up. 🙂

If we were having coffee, I would tell you about the dietary changes I’ve been having to make because of my PCOS and how there are a lot of days when I’ve maxed out my calories and am still hungry. I’m also getting sick of grilled shrimp and grilled chicken. I’m hoping that there’s enough weight loss to make my endocrinologist happy when I see her in a few weeks and that my sugars are good enough even though I’m not testing because meals tend to not be scheduled affairs.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you about Daniel’s in-home ABA therapy and how he seems to be doing really well with his primary tutor. I’m present for sessions on Mondays and Wednesdays and Jon is there for Fridays. We’re trying to find a tutor to do Tuesdays and Thursdays so right now, it’s just 3 days a week.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you about how hard I sobbed when I saw Katy Perry singing that duet of “Firework” with Jodi, a little girl with autism because it seriously illustrates some my frustrations at being the parent of a child with special needs and how much ambiguity there is in his future.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you about Daniel falling asleep in my lap with me singing to him and how I’m resolving to do more of it after I realized that the only time I’ve done it has been when he’s been in the hospital. That realization led to a lot of crying on Monday night on my part but that’s OK. Crying is a stress release for me.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you about how doing Compline has helped my faith and enables me to go to sleep. Edda even joined me for it yesterday which was very helpful — she is a meditative panther and petting her was a nice addition to prayer.

Thank you for having coffee (or tea) with me today. Shall we do this next week?

52 Weeks of Blogging with a Purpose: If I Could Have One Superpower…

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This week’s topic: if I could have one superpower…

For me, it would be confidence. I talk a pretty good game on this blog and can seem like I carry myself with the poise of a supermodel in public but internally, I’m the polar opposite. Part of it might be my extreme introversion (which I can fake my way out of for a couple hours at most before I need to go cower in a corner in a dark room) and part of it might be the depression. I tend to run conversations in my head for hours after I’ve had them and critique them so it’s pretty common that I wish I would have said something differently or just kept my mouth shut at points to avoid sticking my neck out.

The song, “The Warrior Is a Child”, fits me to a T.

Especially the following lines…

They don’t know that I go running home when I fall down
They don’t know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
‘Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

This is why confidence would be such a superpower for me. It would prevent a lot of the inner turmoil that I deal with on a daily basis. I’d use it for good — I’d totally use it to speak out on behalf of the oppressed and to stand up for my faith and all that.

Now go see Becky and what everyone else would choose for a superpower.

The Simple Woman’s Daybook: August 5, 2013

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Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY August 5, 2013

Outside my window… sunny and warm. It’s in the 80’s so we’ll probably go play outside during therapy today.

I am thinking… about the devotions I’m trying to get written.

I am thankful… for Daniel falling asleep in my lap while I sang to him.

In the kitchen… chicken marinating.

I am wearing… green “Online Debate Team” shirt, running shorts, and my Celtic cross.

I am creating… devotions for the book.

I am going… to be seeing a lot of the Glassrock Building at UCD Medical Center this week — Daniel has a peds check-up and an ENT appointment.

I am wondering… if penguins have knees. (It’s related to a Facebook picture.)

I am reading… Banished by Lauren Drain. I finished Going Going Ganache by Jenn McKinlay last week and Apologia pro vita sua is still on hold.

I am hoping… Daniel’s ENT goes well tomorrow and we’re not stuck waiting in the exam room for a long time.

I am looking forward to… saying Compline tonight. It’s actually gotten to be the highlight of my night.

Around the house… trying to channel my inner Flylady and get the clutter under control.

I am pondering… many things internally.

A favorite quote for today… “All the world is made of faith and trust, and pixie dust.” — J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

One of my favorite things… quiet mornings which don’t exist in my house at the moment with Daniel on break from school.

A few plans for the rest of the week: ENT appointment for Daniel tomorrow, peds appointment and ABA therapy for Daniel on Wednesday as well as Ladies’ Night Out for me, a rheumatology appointment on Friday, and Date Night for Jon and I on Saturday night thanks to Respite Night at a church in Elk Grove..

A peek into my day… I’ll share the image involving penguin knees.

Do penguins have knees?????

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