Monthly Archives: April 2013

The Simple Woman’s Daybook: April 29, 2013

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Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY April 28, 2013

Outside my window… dark. It was in the 90’s today. I will be smacking the next person who denies climate change.

I am thinking… that in response to people posting about homeschooling their kids to keep them away from “godless liberals”, I totally want to respond by saying that I’m sending my kids to public schools to keep them away from the people saying those things. I almost want to get a shirt that says “I’m the godless liberal your parents warned you about.”

I am thankful… for the water fight and tickle fight I had with Daniel today and in general I’m thankful for his laugh.

In the kitchen… nothing from scratch. Must fix that.

I am wearing… blue v-neck shirt and capri sweats.

I am creating… nothing yarn-wise but always coming up with plot things for NaNoWriMo.

I am going… shopping tomorrow for toiletries and trying to figure out something to cook that I actually want to eat.

I am wondering… how to post something on Facebook calling out those who are posting partisan and factually incorrect things and telling me that I don’t know that I’m talking about because I give in to the “liberal media”. Riiiiight… the fact that I have a B.A. in Religious Studies focused around comparative religon and part of a Masters in Theology can’t mean that I actually know what I’m talking about, right? (Not to mention that one of the things that they’re making factual inaccuracies about is one of my areas of specialty.)

I am reading… Just finished The Beautiful Mystery by Louise Penny. She is amazing when it comes to the chiaroscuro of the human soul. Next book will be Death by the Dozen by Jenn McKinlay or possibly taking Maphead by Ken Jennings back up.

I am hoping… my allergies/cold/crud is on its way out.

I am looking forward to… Ladies’ Night Out on Wednesday.

Around the house… clean thanks to having company on Saturday and a young mom in the congregation to come and clean for me. (I pay her well and she is the reason I’m functional.)

I am pondering… how someone could have gotten my debit card number when I’m fanatical about keeping it secret. Thank God I was checking my account online and caught the bogus charge.

A favorite quote for today… “Why I often find myself at such cross-purposes with the modern world: I have been a converted Pagan living among apostate Puritans.” — C.S. Lewis

One of my favorite things… making a good play on Words With Friends.

A few plans for the rest of the week: shopping tomorrow and possibly filing a police report, Morning Prayer and NCIS/NCIS:LA on Tuesday, Ladies’ Night Out on Wednesday, watching the cinecast of Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me on Thursday, and possibly a trip to San Jose this weekend.

Hosted by The Simple Woman’s Daybook

White House Correspondents’ Dinner

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**TRIGGER WARNING!!!! POSITIVELY-SPUN OBAMA CONTENT AHEAD!!!!**

Every so often, I like to irritate the staunch Republicans and Libertarians who read this blog and post Obama stuff. Tonight (well.. technically last night because it’s now Sunday) was the 2013 White House Correspondents’ Dinner and the President was his usual witty self.

And then there’s this… which has to be the BEST. PERFORMANCE. AT. THIS. EVENT. EVER!!!! (Not from this year unfortunately.)

div style=”text-align:center;margin-top:15px;margin-bottom:15px;”>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxcuVlCuX9Y

7 Quick Takes: Insane Fast Food Creations, Murder Mysteries, and the 2013 All-Star Game Ballot

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7 Quick Takes

— 1 —

20×20. If you know what In-n-Out Burger is, you know that you can get some rather interesting combinations on their “secret” menu. I know my brother ate an 8×8 (8 patties and 8 slices of cheese) once and I guess the most that has ever been allegedly ordered is a 100×100. I found an account of someone who bought (and ate) a 20×20. I was pondering the sheer number of calories in that so I looked up the nutritional information and by subtracting the calories in a regular cheeseburger (480) from the calories in a double-double (670), I came out with the number of calories per extra cheese/patty (190). I multiplied that by 19 (getting 3610) and added the calories in the cheeseburger (480) back in, getting a total of 4090. Given that the estimate I saw on the 100×100 from Eat This, Not That was 19100 calories, I think this is probably pretty close to accurate.

It’s also no longer possible to order something like this — they capped the limit at 4×4 because they were getting some really bizarre orders.

— 2 —

All-Star Game ballot. The ballot for the 2013 MLB All-Star Game is out. I thought I’d link it here so you can all go vote for San Francisco Giants players. In case you need help doing this, here’s a list:

1st Base: Brandon Belt
2nd Base: Marco Scutaro
Shortstop: Brandon Crawford
3rd Base: Pablo Sandoval
Catcher: Buster Posey
Outfield: Gregor Blanco, Hunter Pence, and Angel Pagan

— 3 —

More fun Amazon.Com reviews. Apparently, people haven’t seen enough hilarious Amazon.Com reviews because this one was shared on Facebook on Wednesday. Even better, the things that “other customers viewed” are other joke Amazon.Com reviews.

— 4 —

Contemporary Worship Humor. Priest’s Wife shared this on Twitter this week:

It’s hysterically funny because it’s so true. I could walk into Bayside Church or any of the other megachurches in Sacramento and I could find a copy of this.

— 5 —

Orphans. Do you see these adorable kids?

BrettKaia

Brett (on the left) needs a mama and Kaia (on the right) has a family who needs help raising the funds to bring her home. If you can help out at all, click on their pictures. Please and thank you!

— 6 —

Mysteries. I’m currently reading A Beautiful Mystery by Louise Penny and it’s her normal excellence. It’s hard to find a suitable adjective for the feeling that her mysteries evoke. It’s “dark” in the way that dark chocolate (with a high percentage of cacao) and I guess “somber” is the other adjective. She’s a crime writer in real life and she does an excellent job of portraying the darkness of our souls. Is “chiaroscuristic” a word? That’s probably the best term.

— 7 —

Prayer request. I am in allergy hell at the moment because every freaking plant is reproducing and we’re having lots of wind which is blowing it around. I’m not sleeping well because my face is congested, I’m coughing up nasty looking things, and the congestion is giving me wicked headaches. Could you please pray for some relief from it for me? Thanks!

For more Quick Takes, visit Jen at ConversionDiary.Com.

Five Favorites: Stupid Things People Say When I Tell Them That I’m A Pastor’s Wife

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Five Favorites

If you didn’t know, I’m married to a Lutheran pastor. Most people either know this or smile and nod politely but it causes some people to say some pretty *interesting* things. Here are the five most interesting ones that I remember, three that are reactions to hearing that I’m a pastor’s wife and two that are stupid things people have said because of who I am.

One

“So this means you can have sex, right?” This was said to me at 2003 at a visitation for a parishioner who had passed away by a co-worker of the parishioner’s son. I was standing in the funeral home next to the church in some fairly conservative clothes with my husband and his internship supervisor next to me. My response: “I really hope so.” The person walked away and I remember seeing my husband’s internship supervisor’s face turning an interesting shade of purple and his eyes almost popping out of his head. Apparently, this was one of the more interesting things he had encountered at a funeral visitation.

Two

“Does this mean that you’re a nun?” This was said to me by a Lutheran kid at a Lutheran church camp. (I point out that it was a Lutheran setting because our clergy are almost always married.) Apparently, he really hasn’t paid attention in church because I knew his pastor and said pastor is very much married with kids who are my age!

Three

“But you don’t look like a pastor’s wife!” One of my former co-workers said this during my second week of work when I came to work wearing my “Pastor’s wife of an LQPV Eagle” sweatshirt. (LQPV is the local high school in the area where my husband served his first parish.) Apparently, I’m supposed to be old and wear long dresses or denim jumpers or something??? I mean… I did the long dresses and skirts but apparently I don’t fit the stereotypes otherwise?

Let’s now just go into stupid things people have said to me because I was the pastor’s wife.

Four

“You’re a pastor’s wife! You’re supposed to be holy and doing the work of God’s church!” This was said to me by a 90something parishioner in Minnesota when I told him that he couldn’t just walk into our parsonage unannounced. It had been a week since I had undergone a laproscopic cholecystectomy (“lap chole” for short — gallbladder removal) and I was walking around the upper floor of our parsonage in my sports bra and running shorts, so I was a bit panicked when the front door suddenly opened and I heard someone calling out, “Pastor?!? Mrs. Pastor?!?” Thankfully, one of our elders was nice enough to go talk to him and explain politely why this wasn’t allowed. He was more amenable to him explaining it than the 25 year old pastor’s wife.

Five

“You’re a pastor’s wife. You can’t drink alcohol if you’re out at a restaurant.” This was said to me by one of my “special” people in Montana who decided that she needed to lecture me about my appearance and my reputation when she saw me out shopping in sweats. What she didn’t know: I never drank alcohol around parishioners and I hadn’t had a drink in probably… over a year at that point because my liver had a death wish and they had to scrape scar tissue off of it when I had my lap chole. (I’m also the world’s cheapest drunk so it wasn’t a stretch to give up drinking.) She felt that she had a duty to lecture me about my reputation and standing as a pastor’s wife which meant that she would criticize everything I did, regardless of whether or not everyone else approved of me.

Go love up Hallie and the others.

7 Quick Takes: Picnic on the Green, Pizzas for Doctors, and Blasting Music

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7 Quick Takes

— 1 —

Facebook. I have a tendency to post a *few* cat memes on Facebook every day. I didn’t quite realize how… well-received they were until I got this message from Kelly of This Ain’t The Lyceum:

Jen, I haven’t seen anything humorous about cats pop up in my News Feed for the last hour; are you alright??

I’m sorry, Kelly. I’ll try to post many many more cat memes for you. 😉

— 2 —

Payback. Various people have posted pictures of this on Facebook so I thought I’d share. An E.R. doctor at Mass General Boston (site of the Boston Marathon bombings) called a pizzeria in Waco (the nearest big city to the town where the fertilizer plant explosion happened) and ordered pizzas for all the surgeons in the ER at Hillcrest with the message, “Thanks for all your hard work!”

Awesome payback.

Dr. Chris Kabrhel, you are awesome and I hope people took as good care of you on Monday night as you did of the Hillcrest docs.

— 3 —

I’m a t-shirt person. Adidas has created some shirts whose proceeds will go to One Fund Boston. Go here to order. (HT: Emily)

— 4 —

Just a tip. To the person behind me at the stop sign by the library:

Honking your horn to kindly remind me to move (especially when it isn’t safe to do so and you apparently can’t see this) will cause me to adhere *strictly* to the speed limit (25 mph) for as long as you are behind me or until I hit Highway 99 — whichever would drive you more batty. I’m perfectly aware that it has been 3 seconds but there’s an older woman who is trying to decide whether to cross or not and I’m quite sure that the nice police officer coming the other way would prefer that I not run her over.

Cuddles,
jen

— 5 —

Remedying the situation. Last Saturday night, I was getting gas as a Shell station in Elk Grove after dropping Daniel off at Respite Night. While I was pumping gas, a young man drove up in a car with the windows rolled down and some foul hiphop/R&B thing blasting loudly. Why was it foul? Let’s just say that I’m not sure many young women like to be referred to as prostitutes and female dogs. (Substitute the foul language words for those things and you’ll understand why.) I wasn’t amenable to being forced to listen to this while the guy went in and tried to convince the clerk to hook him up with some gas so I finished pumping my gas, got in my car, turned my stereo up to 11, and started blasting the chorus of “The Way” by Jeremy Camp

I regret nothing.

— 6 —

Orphans. Do you see these adorable kids?

BrettKaia

Brett (on the left) needs a mama and Kaia (on the right) has a family who needs help raising the funds to bring her home. If you can help out at all, click on their pictures. Please and thank you!

— 7 —

Picnic. Daniel’s preschool has “Picnic on the Green” tomorrow where the parents bring a picnic lunch for themselves and their kids and eat with them on the lawn. The ABA class(es) seem to get the playground and shady area by their portable to themselves so I’m looking forward to it. The parents usually bring McDonalds stuff for their kids but I think I’ll go with Subway. Daniel has actually tasted McDonalds once (this week, I let him try a bite of my double cheeseburger) but I know he’ll probably eat Subway’s food. (I’m also trying to keep my fake crunchy mom cred which falls short because of Subway’s dough conditioners.)

For more Quick Takes, visit Grace at Camp Patton. She is guest-hosting for Jen again this week while Jen is (hopefully) enjoying having little Joseph home from the NICU.

Five Favorites: Boston and Fictitious Twitters

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Five Favorites

Before I post my favorite fictitious Twitter accounts, I want to say this:

BOSTON, YOU FREAKING ROCK!

Your blood banks were already full before the explosion happened and you stepped up to house/feed/take care of displaced marathoners. Seeing the spreadsheet of people who volunteered to transport people, house people in spare rooms, and feed people brought tears to my eyes. May God reward your efforts and may your city experience healing.

OK… onto my five favorites…

Uno

@UnvirtuousAbbey. I love these irreverent Canadians who inspire myself and many others not to take ourselves too seriously as Christians. Whether it be Star Wars prayers, Beatles prayers, or 80’s prayers, they never cease to make me laugh.

Dos

@CatFoodBreath. I have no doubt that there is a real cat inspiring the account but whoever writes it is hilarious. The user info describes the cat as “a 17 pound Siamese cat with a sushi habit” and this doesn’t surprise me given that Siamese cats are considered to be the pitbulls of the domestic cat world. I can imagine my monsters saying just about everything CFB tweets though mine definitely haven’t discovered buttered toast unless Jon has been feeding it to them.

Tres

@Rev_Norespect. I think he has my experience in ministry covered except for the Lutheran-specific parts. It’s not all bad but there are some things like getting a boatload of produce during the summer from people (or canned fruits/jams/salsa in our current parish) that are unique to it. I also love his You Might Be a Small Church Pastor If… list because many of them are true.

Quatro

@AnonChurchSec. I’m not the church secretary here for many reasons but I’ve helped out in Jon’s previous calls so I love Church Secretary. In the parishes where we’ve actually had one, I’ve made friends with them because they frequently are a source of support and also can sometimes be the gatekeeper to keep the crazies at bay. Having helped out, I can totally identify with a lot of what she says, especially her advice to get a guy from the church to come fix something. (I am totally not opposed to batting my eyelashes to get my way.)

Cinco

@ThePastors_Wife. I most solemnly swear that I am up to no good that this is not my Twitter account. I do identify with a lot of what she writes though, especially on the words she doesn’t want to hear, how to get people to shut up and stop feeding me information that I shouldn’t be privy to, and she also loves (and retweets) Grumpy Cat.

Go love up Hallie and the others.

7 Quick Takes: Cartacacoethes, Baseball, and the Ring Theory

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7 Quick Takes

Before we start, please lift up some prayers for Jen (our usual hostess) and her son Joseph Thomas who was born on Monday and is in the NICU 30 minutes away with lung/breathing issues. We’re well acquainted with the NICU here at ::Meditatio:: and I hope Jen knows that my husband Jon, our son Daniel, and I are praying for her and her family.

— 1 —

The Ring Theory. This article was published in the L.A. Times and shared around Facebook this week. The premise is making a dot in the center (the person suffering) and drawing concentric circles outward representing different subsets of people ranging from the spouse/family to close friends to colleagues etc. The rule is that any negative comments can only be directed to the outer rings from wherever you happen to be while comforting words can be directed to everyone inward.

Example of ring theory
(HT: LA Times website)

Can I just say that I love this and wish I could have had it for some special people in Montana?

— 2 —

Search term fun. Thanks to the installation of the Jetpack plugin for WordPress, I can engage in sharing interesting search terms. The vast majority of mine have to do with famous brothers in literature because of a post I wrote 9 years ago while trying to find names for my mom’s boys. The interesting ones in the last three months have been…

gallbladder soy cheese
mentos tsa
darius rucker pat tillman memorial
i hate niacin
jack nicholson “as good as it gets” candy in jars
sergio romo tastic t shirts
spanking and fibromyalgia

— 3 —

Update on Ian. Some of you might remember me asking for prayer for Ian Brown, one of my college classmates. The last time I updated, he was dealing with sinusoidal obstructive syndrome which is a rare liver disease associated with his bone marrow transplant. The only hope was an experimental drug called Defibrotide which is only made in Italy. They procured some for him and after a 21 day course, he is doing MUCH better. The latest blog post had a picture of him walking to the local Farmer’s Market which required a 3 1/2 mile walk there and back. For those of us who know Ian, this is nothing new. He is the embodiment of “abundant life”.

— 4 —

Brett. This is Brett. He needs a mama.

Brett

Could you possibly be his mama? Click his picture to learn more about him.

— 5 —

Kaia. Do you have a bunch of loose change lying around? Want to use it to make a BIG difference?

Kaia's Kindergarten Fund

Click on the picture of this beautiful young lady (Kaia) to find out about how your loose change can help her family bring her home and let her go to kindergarten this fall.

— 6 —

Baseball. The Giants did not do well against the Cardinals last weekend (a 14-3 loss on the 7th was the most embarrassing) but they swept their series with the Rockies and have done well against the Cubs thus far. I’m kind of bummed that the games aren’t usually shown up here in Sacramento except on rare occasions but I appreciate that I can usually catch them online.

— 7 —

Cartacacoethes. A few weeks ago, Leah of Unequally Yoked mentioned the book Maphead by Ken Jennings. I’ve stopped and started it a couple times because I’m finding that I can’t be reading anything else at the same time and my local library seems to have cleared the backlog on my request list. I’m aiming to read it during my spare moments this weekend (which may just be Saturday night — Jon has Acquire the Fire and Daniel will be at a Respite Night). Meanwhile, I’m having major cartacacoethes.

For more Quick Takes, visit the fabulous Grace at Camp Patton.