Daniel did rebound last night and has stayed stable since. Here are some vignettes from today.
[+] A friend from college is taking me to dinner tonight to get me out of the hospital and I’m simultaneously happy to get away from the hospital for a couple hours and terrified that something is going to happen while I’m gone. Everyone has told me that this is something I *HAVE* to do — if I stay on the unit 24/7, I will go crazy and I know this. I thought I was being so good though in taking meal breaks… (Dinner was good. We had pho. Daniel was fine while I was gone.)
[+] Because of the possibility that Daniel might still be needing ECMO last night, I was banished to the “quiet room” for the night where I made a pallet on the floor. I didn’t think I’d sleep well but I actually got six uninterrupted hours without being woken up for x-ray techs.
[+] I’ve gotten to be friends with the family at the opposite end of the PICU. (I ended up comforting the baby’s aunt on Monday when they called a code on her nephew and she and her husband were being present for me last night.) Her nephew is in worse shape than Daniel and the mom and I had a talk today about the whole thing. She had a copy of Our Daily Bread and she was talking about how she’s been reading it to her son. I think I’ll start doing that with Daniel. Her family is praying for Daniel and I’m praying for her baby.
[+] The resident who seems to be on during the day needs some better instruction in bedside manner. It doesn’t work to be an ice princess when you’re dealing with fragile parents. I think she’ll improve with time but it was irritating talking to her on Tuesday. Her attending is being more careful with me after watching me go to pieces (justifiably) two days in a row. The other peds resident who came in today was wonderful — very polite and asked if I minded if he examined Daniel. (He didn’t have to ask but I did appreciate it.) He then expressed concern about how I was doing and urged me to get off the unit and out of the hospital when I could. It was nice that he was concerned — it does help to know that I’m part of this.
[+] The anesthesiologist who did Daniel’s intubation on Monday stopped in to see him. This was really sweet — he didn’t have to do it and I thanked him for it.
[+] I’m not incredibly happy with God still (issues with WHY this is happening) but He is no longer on notice.
God willing, we’ll have another quieter day tomorrow and no drama tonight.